#todayithought

#shortandsweetandaboutyou

[play this while you read... #ironandwine #itspretty]

hey stranger with the tried eyes; the tried, beautiful eyes that looked and looked away.

you are not a mystery to me, in this moment unguarded, i see you.

your plan face, no outstanding features to compliment or even mention;

yes, you are like me.

our differences i could count on one hand...

the first being the way we dress- simply superficial 

and the last being that i kept my gaze on you 

and if you had not been so eager to look away 

you would have seen me smile,

at you

=sometimes strangers just need smiles=

#todayithought

#adventurehands

its been seven days since i started my 2.5 year journey into the world of Australian Sign Language. I find it creative and enchanting... it's a transparent space where your communication failures and successes are brought to the surface and there is something very vulnerable in that. Our teachers are deaf and we communication with our hands, with our face. It's a learning environment unlike any other.

In many ways i feel like a child again, yet now i'm completely aware that i'm discovering things for the first time. Every common noise is heightened; the sound of pen to paper, someone drinking from a water bottle, even breath and breathing but the silence is still louder than any of that. The room is full of  the sound of things we've never put thought into before, because we can hear them. I can't imagine what it would be like to never hear someone sing or to feel the beat but never hear the music...
Even now I'm starting to see things differently, I feel a change in me already- the way i see things, my senses and the ability to observe and read behaviors. Its a powerful thing to be able to communicate effectively in this way and this study will open up, for me, a whole new community of people to know and love. 
A language so expressive and beautiful should be learnt by all. Imagine how much more effective we  could communicate if we were aware and controlled our face and hands, our body language.

the silence is deafening, deafeningly beautiful...

#todayithought

#waterlife

i wish that no one lived by the beach
i wish that land was free
for all-
to stay on
to play on
to holiday on

i wish that when i walked down the street;
the ocean would sweep me off my feet
i wish that while driving my car;
i wouldn't have to look far
to see the deep blue sparkling

i wish that wherever i go
the sea would know
and it would be right there to find me


i don't like to surf or collect shells,
i'm not that interested in sea-life or
building sandcastles and
i don't even want to swim;

it's just that when im so close to something
so blue, big and grand-
i feel so much closer to Him.

#todayithought

#kidsilove

I never really know how to feel on camp. It's interesting. At the staff meeting the other night someone talked about Mondays [pick up day] I said "I'm glad I wasn't on pick up day this wk, nothing messes me up as much as seeing where they live does..."
I never knew I thought that way but its true.
You spend two, sometimes four weeks with these kids and later you can forget their filthy language, bad attitude and behavior

, the violence the exchange between themselves- that draws blood and leads to the emergency room. The hurt they inflict on each other, while at camp, which must have some lasting effect...

But I can't forget the smell of their house or the look of their father or step dad or "mums friend joe" and his beer gut, and him dressed in his best underwear at 2pm and how the sun reflects off his bald head as he slurs his words and asks me to read out the questions because the daylight is too bright, for him to read the form. And he makes excuse about why the kids clothes are in a garage bag instead of a suitcase like "the cat had kittens in the suitcase or ferrets ate a hole through it- YES FERRETS.
And as you walk away that child clutches your hand and wish that smell would stay with the house but it follows you in the garbage bag and you think to yourself "there must be more i can do!!"
Because you know that what you're walking away from is what this kid is coming back to...and that's only your experience at the front door."

#todayithought

one day we will fly

i've consumed more tea in the last two weeks than i have in my life time...

i was trying to think of a time from my childhood where i really believed that i could fly. it seems like something a child could believe but i struggle to find memories from that time. Where do they go? The memories, i mean...

maybe there's something deeply sad about that. 

none of my childhood memories are solid, i could try but i'd always be questioning- did that really happen or was it a dream i had? i remember hiding from my dad under the bed until my mum got home and not in fun way...it's never actually the way we remember it, is it...? 

Sure i could start to tell you how i was playing in the sand box when i was five and he throw sand in my eyes and instead of crying about it, i pick up one of his tonka trucks and used my best aim and strongest arm and that's why he's still got that scar on his forehead today. But that never happened; it's just one of those things i tell my friend's in social situations when they ask "wait, how do you two actually know each other?" when really they're referring to a stranger, i've just met. i love strangers. infinite potential. and i talk to them like i know them because i want to- know them. sometimes i want to know who everyone is...

anyway i drew this #paperairplane because i could not remember a time when i believed i could fly... 

#todayithought

the first step is admitting it...

i like life;
that doesn't mean it's easy but i do like it and i also like to think that im deliberate in life. I deliberately don't watch the news; #donthate- i have my reasons... anyway i guess you'd say i accidentally stumbled across a news segment on free to air tv tonight regarding the violent murder of a British man.
This just happened to be after i'd finished watching the film exit through the gift shop.
Which just happened to be two days after some old ladies at an op-shop gave me free readers digest books about a war that happened before i was born....which happened to be just hours after reading something like "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things" plus this song has been in on my mind for so long now #maybeaweek [that song is beautiful and tragic and its the bitterness of the past and the hope of the future. It reminds me of how i felt when i first moved to Melbourne, just over a year ago. Also it's called new country]. Somehow [and im still trying to work out how but somehow] this is all connected for me and has brought to the surface the following questions:

 +that's not ok, is it?
+how can humans do that to other humans?
+what is art?
+if i own books, am i obligated to read them?
+how do we "think about such things" with all these distractions? #becauseidowantto
+how do we get good as doing this life thing? im mean consistently?
how do i write a song like that?
["look at the way it ought to be"]

anyway then i drew this guy and started this blog and thought about how much i don't know...