York in Colour and the things i do when im alone....

the music while you read [optional]: Holocene- Vitamin String Quartet Cover

lately i've been thankful for having time on my own.

i have now had 11 weeks without a phone and its been a healthy thing, a good thing. 

im really good at being alone.

you should know what 'alone' is not the same as 'lonely', they are different things. 

here are some things i like to do when i am alone:

> take long walks, its easy for me to lose track of time now, i also don't own a watch. i think its good for us to lose track of time every now and then...

> i spend time writing. i find writing helps me process my experiences in life. i also write postcards to friends and family, i've sent over 100 in the last 8 months.

> i sing out loud/ i listen to new music. New music always makes me engage in the moment because its not something already familiar to me. I love singing and any opportunity when others aren't around, is an opportunity for me to sing. 

> i allow my mind to 'wander'. i use that word because a lot of the time, when life gets busy, i tend to keep my thoughts focused and will cut off those wandering thoughts; that usually lead to beautiful things like ideas and bravery.
So when i have time on my own i make sure i allow my thoughts to wander as far as they may. 

> i actively smile and make eye-contact. its very easy to forget to smile and there is some science behind why its good for you. For me, it is a physical response to thankfulness and a fun thing for the strangers around me. 

> i go to a place i've never been before. In a very small way, this helps me break habits of comfort and familiarity. That i don't want in my life.

> i try something i don't know much about. like cooking something i've never made before or trying a way of art that i've never used. eg- recently i went to my first life drawing class in London.

> i watch a movie, just cos i like movies. 

> i lay on the ground for a while. I used to do it for a whole song, usually 3-5 minutes, just to prove to myself that i can be still. i don't have music with me now, cos i don't have a phone so i just guess how many minutes go by while i look up into the sky #seewhatididthere? 

> i talk to a nearby stranger, like i said before alone doesn't have to mean lonely. 

> I will make a piece of art and hide it under my bed. one of these days i'll frame something and hang it on a wall.  

> i will write lists. lists help me prioritise things.

> i am content to take myself out for a meal- breakfast, lunch or dinner. 

> as much as i love my own time, its really wonderful to have amazing humans in your life too.

and York was really pretty.

#likeyou

There are still times when I question what is going on in my life- 

"What am I actually doing with my life, with this time i've been given!??"

Soon after that thought, that slightly irrational crisis,  I stop, I calm down and I remember my purpose- #LOVE. I believe if everything thing I do, the way that I treat other humans and the words that I use all come from a place of love, then I am living with meaning. 

Love is complex, it is many things and is represented in various ways and today I was thinking about how love is brave...

#zinedream...

i started a zine 3 years ago... im going to finish it 

#stay...

February 25 near Hoi An, Vietnam · 

#abouttoday

"i am not happy here... In Hanoi. I miss Hue already. i keep thinking its best to move on, safer or something and then when i get to the next place, i feel it wasn't enough, that i moved on too soon. 

the Vietnamese ATM ate my only bank card and making those calls to ANZ and Visa cash emergency was difficult. My phone being long gone, borrowing a phone, the line breaking up, the disconnect, the calling back, the line breaking up again and yelling [not in an angry way, in a deliberate way] the personal details, numbers; things i care nothing for but are attached to me whether i like it or not...

i like the traditional Vietnamese coffee, it has character, a bite to it; almost like a liqueur but of course when it comes to coffee not much can come close to Melbourne quality. Fried eggs for breakfast and a man across the cafe, also from a foreign country, watching me. i should drink more water... so much has happened and ive written so much but there are still things ive missed and i think to myself "did i already write that down and its coming back to me or am i keeping it in mind, as to remember to write it out?"

i loved the hostel in Hue and the pregnant lady who owned it and was due to have her baby on my birthday. i loved that massage [i would have never thought that someone standing on you could be so beneficial], i loved that annoying coffee man who stood on the corner and asked me in for coffee every time i walked by. i loved that street food that i can't describe, that i went back for 4 times in one day. i loved my new Vietnamese friends from the deaf community that i met in the park by the river. i loved riding the motorbike around, getting lost and seeing all the different shades of green.#imisshue [#itsaplace]

Dennys said if she was me she would be crying and crying and crying- they were here exact words... 

Maybe that's the thing about moving on too quickly- maybe you miss something, something that was meant for you, something worth hanging around for. And being brave enough to stay even though you might get hurt... we'll thats life really isn't it... and life is very hard and very beautiful."

#unwell

February 27

#abouttoday...

"slightly unwell. i went to the pharmacy in Hanoi, no one spoke english, they gave me yellow pills for my heavy head; im sure they're not as dodgy as they look...
After Ha Long bay and the A Class Cruiser, going to a backpackers was a bad choice. im usually all for those interactive stranger experiences but maybe its just cos im sick or maybe its like wayne said 
"the majority of backpackers cannot offer any depth to a conversation as they're are not here to learn anything or experience the culture, they're only here to meet other backpackers and get pissed every night of the week" 
"so you're a 'real' traveler, then?" i asked
"yes, i would say i am" replying just as you would expect an englishman to
"well, couldn't that be seen as slightly pretentious of you?" i added
he laughed "well, there's a thought, maybe you're right. i guess there's two ends of the scale" he said.

ive been pumping myself full of ginger and spilt the ginger tea all over my diary as i was making plans; flying to Ho Chi Minh tomorrow and not looking forward to it. it really was a terrible first day in Vietnam and i have no desire to relive it- i know i just need to get past it and im sure that's what will happen once im back there...besides i really liked the girls who run the ppbackpackers there and Anh, my bubble friend and Huy, who took me on a free tour of the city on his motorbike and hand-made me an anklet with little fish on it. I like the people a lot but the place... haha

This morning i went to ABBank to get the 'emergency cash' and thought about buying t-shirts for my cousins... ive decided to check out of the backpackers and pay a few more dollars for a nice hotel that will allow me to be hidden for a while, that might have hand soap and clean towels and maybe even free ginger tea all day..."